The fine art of negotiating...

Wow. Talk about a blood pressure rise! All the days of rough toddler hood can't even begin to compare to one argument with a teenager. I am ready for a nap. They know it all and I don't know anything. Plus, I think during the course of the argument she forgets who has the keys, the money, heck-the authority!! Or do I?

Sometimes guilt will get the best of you and you will find yourself negotiating a situation. When that is not good enough, you have a choice: give in or stick to your guns. The way I see it you face some guilt either way. I find myself second guessing my decision. Was I too hard? Was it really that big of a deal? Or the opposite. Will I regret that I let her go despite my reservations about it?

I don't have a problem with negotiation. I think it is good and I think it is healthy. They will have to negotiate their whole lives. Better they learn young. But they must also learn when enough is enough. Be it a parent, a teacher, a professor, a boss, or an employee. That is a hard lesson. I do not think that I was taught the art of successful negotiation and it has hurt me. We were not allowed to negotiate anything with our father. So, I didn't learn. I have a hard time asking for a raise when I deserve it, time off, anything for that matter. Then it builds up and I get angry.

I didn't want it to be that way for my children. Since I never learned, though, I don't think I had the right tools to teach it. There is still work to be done. I know this because I just got off the phone with my 13 yo and the negotiations ending up with her angry and me angrier. After 10 phone calls, it is finally settled, but not without that anger, those outbursts, and now regret. Or is it guilt?

Back to the drawing board.